Something is off with Goldie

An exclusive Spill the Tea report by Mochi & Boba

🐾 Boba:

Okay, so Goldie finally emerged from her front door this morning looking like she hadn’t been professionally groomed in three days. And I don’t want to sound dramatic but that’s a cry for help.

🍡 Mochi:

I literally thought she was being held hostage. No bow. No sparkle leash. No cucumber water. Just… tap water in a bowl. Outside. Like a commoner.

🐾 Boba:

Not even chilled. I walked past like, should we call someone?

🍡 Mochi:

Maybe Barkley. He’s not emotionally helpful but he owns binoculars.

🐾 Boba:

He also thinks he’s the mayor of the cul-de-sac. Which is adorable considering no one asked.

🍡 Mochi:

But back to Goldie. Something is off. She gave Sadie a half-hearted tail flick instead of her usual fake-happy “Oh my gosh, hey babe!” routine. That girl is either going through it or she got dumped.

🐾 Boba:

Plot twist: She dumped him. The last time we saw her with a guy it was that miniature Aussie from Newport with the dramatic side part. He gave rebound energy.

🍡 Mochi:

She said he was “just her chiropractor.” Girl, he’s not even certified. I checked.

🐾 Boba:

Honestly, if this is her villain origin story I support it. But like… brush your hair.

🍡 Mochi:

And bring back the gold sequin bandana. I miss having something to roll my eyes at.

Until next time,

Mochi & Boba 🐾✨

Neighborhood Watch but make it fashion.